The Four Qualities of the Woman You Are Looking For


    One day while browsing through my Facebook newsfeed, I saw a photograph of a young mother in a delivery room holding her newborn baby to her chest. The caption read, “My beautiful baby with her ugly baby mama.” I am paraphrasing, of course, to avoid the profanities included in this short caption. My first thought was, “I wonder if he, the father who posted the picture, found the mother ugly when he was in bed with her?”
We live in a society that trivializes sex: nowadays, it is all about self-gratification. For many men, having multiple sexual partners shows how manly they are. They talk with pride about their many conquests, as if they were collecting trophies. They don’t care about the kind of women they are dealing with; these guys only care that they feel good with that person. After some time together, they start to discover the real character of their partners, then they are ready to walk out. Often this happened after the ladies get pregnant. That’s one of the main reasons of fatherlessness: men who turn their back on their children because they can’t get along with the mothers.
For this reason, we must redefine the expression “I am the man.” Being the man is not the ability to conquer multiple women, but to get and keep the right lady. Choosing the right woman is not a matter of feelings only, but also reason. As a man, you must have an ideal woman in your mind that is not based on physical appearance but her character.
Looks are deceiving, superficial, and temporary. A beautiful face will wrinkle as age increases. An attractive shape will change during and after pregnancy. We can also add skin diseases and accidents that can happen. We need to look at deeper things and find more meaningful and lasting criteria in choosing the partner to have a family with. Here are four qualities you need to consider in a woman.
The woman sets the mood of the family. When she is sad, the whole household is miserable. When she is angry, the kids are anxious, and the man is irritable. When she is happy, it’s sunshine all day and night. The effect of her smile is not affected by age. Pick a woman who is pleasant and doesn’t get irritated easily. Such a partner will be able to challenge, inspire, encourage, and empower you. You will anticipate coming home after your hard day at work to relax and have family time.
Few people in our day and age are goal-oriented. Fortunately, it’s a skill that can be learned and developed. It’s crucial that the both of you discuss your individual goals and plans for the short and long term right from the start of the relationship; it’s best to do so within the first three dates. Talking about children and parenting is also a must.
It’s important to be with a woman who is sensitive to the needs of others, not just hers, and the sufferings of those around her. This is crucial because we are living in the “I” generation. People are becoming more and more selfish and self-centered. Altruism and generosity are virtues that are rapidly disappearing in our society.
No relationship can last without forgiveness. We all make mistakes; often we knowingly hurt our loved one’s feelings. It’s unfortunate but true. Therefore, it’s important that the woman you are interested in has a spirit of forgiveness. Some women will hold grudges for months even years against someone else for the most trivial things you can think of. This will create an atmosphere of insecurity in the household and prevent intimacy. So, if a woman is constantly getting into fights, arguments, or talking about revenge on others, consider this a red flag even though she is always nice to you.
With these in mind go search for the woman of your dreams.

Extract from the book “From Man to Dad” by Serge Destin


me Serge Destin


Am I a Mature Father?

pexels-photo-101584One of the main reasons men are having kids who aren’t expected is immaturity. Most people think that maturity comes with age. Physical maturity does, but not necessarily mental maturity. Who hasn’t seen 30, 40, 50 year old men acting like 12 year old boys? I was working at a health facility where this 55 year old male patient was having a temper tantrum because his TV wasn’t working. That was his first night in our facility and he was there to recover from a knee replacement surgery. He was screaming, yelling, throwing objects including medical equipment to the ground. Every staff member working on that recovery floor, including me, tried to calm him down and explained to him that it’s 1 A.M. and that his TV issue will be addressed during normal office hours. All attempts were unsuccessful and he had no regard for the other patients trying to sleep. Finally, he called his wife to complain and the poor lady had to come to the facility at 3 A.M. to be with him. She had to spend to rest of the night next to him in a chair while this man slept soundly in his comfortable bed.

Another misconception about maturity is that if you are no longer living with your Mom and Dad that means you are mature. Many young men are release or escape from parental care too early. In our society, we wrongly believe that a young man should be on his own by 18 year old. However, we forget that people mature at different pace. Many leave home with no plans, no projects, no means of subsistence. The most honest ones spend their days hustling and bustling at low paying jobs. The lazy ones chase women all day hooking up with them and causing untold amount of pregnancies. The most desperate join gangs and/or get hooked  on drugs, alcohol, and bring some of the sickest and most abused children in the world.

So what is maturity? A simple definition: reason over passion. Passion is what excite or make you feel good when doing or using it regardless of the consequences. Children are controlled by their passion; they do things because they feel good while doing it.

Reason on the other hand is doing things based on whether they are good or bad, moral or immoral, or whether the consequences would be beneficial or disastrous. As children grow up, they learn to develop reason through learning and experience to keep their passion in check.

The big issue is that we are living in a society that teaches its people to let loose and let their passions go wild. Reason is downplayed and we have a multitudes of adults and young adults who do things without thinking about the consequences. Thus we end up with grown men who are passionate about sex but could care less about the kids who are  born as a result. Beware of your actions, the consequences can be devastating for others.