Am I a Mature Father?

pexels-photo-101584One of the main reasons men are having kids who aren’t expected is immaturity. Most people think that maturity comes with age. Physical maturity does, but not necessarily mental maturity. Who hasn’t seen 30, 40, 50 year old men acting like 12 year old boys? I was working at a health facility where this 55 year old male patient was having a temper tantrum because his TV wasn’t working. That was his first night in our facility and he was there to recover from a knee replacement surgery. He was screaming, yelling, throwing objects including medical equipment to the ground. Every staff member working on that recovery floor, including me, tried to calm him down and explained to him that it’s 1 A.M. and that his TV issue will be addressed during normal office hours. All attempts were unsuccessful and he had no regard for the other patients trying to sleep. Finally, he called his wife to complain and the poor lady had to come to the facility at 3 A.M. to be with him. She had to spend to rest of the night next to him in a chair while this man slept soundly in his comfortable bed.

Another misconception about maturity is that if you are no longer living with your Mom and Dad that means you are mature. Many young men are release or escape from parental care too early. In our society, we wrongly believe that a young man should be on his own by 18 year old. However, we forget that people mature at different pace. Many leave home with no plans, no projects, no means of subsistence. The most honest ones spend their days hustling and bustling at low paying jobs. The lazy ones chase women all day hooking up with them and causing untold amount of pregnancies. The most desperate join gangs and/or get hooked  on drugs, alcohol, and bring some of the sickest and most abused children in the world.

So what is maturity? A simple definition: reason over passion. Passion is what excite or make you feel good when doing or using it regardless of the consequences. Children are controlled by their passion; they do things because they feel good while doing it.

Reason on the other hand is doing things based on whether they are good or bad, moral or immoral, or whether the consequences would be beneficial or disastrous. As children grow up, they learn to develop reason through learning and experience to keep their passion in check.

The big issue is that we are living in a society that teaches its people to let loose and let their passions go wild. Reason is downplayed and we have a multitudes of adults and young adults who do things without thinking about the consequences. Thus we end up with grown men who are passionate about sex but could care less about the kids who are  born as a result. Beware of your actions, the consequences can be devastating for others.

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