One day while browsing through my Facebook newsfeed, I saw a photograph of a young mother in a delivery room holding her newborn baby to her chest. The caption read, “My beautiful baby with her ugly baby mama.” I am paraphrasing, of course, to avoid the profanities included in this short caption. My first thought was, “I wonder if he, the father who posted the picture, found the mother ugly when he was in bed with her?”
We live in a society that trivializes sex: nowadays, it is all about self-gratification. For many men, having multiple sexual partners shows how manly they are. They talk with pride about their many conquests, as if they were collecting trophies. They don’t care about the kind of women they are dealing with; these guys only care that they feel good with that person. After some time together, they start to discover the real character of their partners, then they are ready to walk out. Often this happened after the ladies get pregnant. That’s one of the main reasons of fatherlessness: men who turn their back on their children because they can’t get along with the mothers.
For this reason, we must redefine the expression “I am the man.” Being the man is not the ability to conquer multiple women, but to get and keep the right lady. Choosing the right woman is not a matter of feelings only, but also reason. As a man, you must have an ideal woman in your mind that is not based on physical appearance but her character.
Looks are deceiving, superficial, and temporary. A beautiful face will wrinkle as age increases. An attractive shape will change during and after pregnancy. We can also add skin diseases and accidents that can happen. We need to look at deeper things and find more meaningful and lasting criteria in choosing the partner to have a family with. Here are four qualities you need to consider in a woman.
The woman sets the mood of the family. When she is sad, the whole household is miserable. When she is angry, the kids are anxious, and the man is irritable. When she is happy, it’s sunshine all day and night. The effect of her smile is not affected by age. Pick a woman who is pleasant and doesn’t get irritated easily. Such a partner will be able to challenge, inspire, encourage, and empower you. You will anticipate coming home after your hard day at work to relax and have family time.
Few people in our day and age are goal-oriented. Fortunately, it’s a skill that can be learned and developed. It’s crucial that the both of you discuss your individual goals and plans for the short and long term right from the start of the relationship; it’s best to do so within the first three dates. Talking about children and parenting is also a must.
It’s important to be with a woman who is sensitive to the needs of others, not just hers, and the sufferings of those around her. This is crucial because we are living in the “I” generation. People are becoming more and more selfish and self-centered. Altruism and generosity are virtues that are rapidly disappearing in our society.
No relationship can last without forgiveness. We all make mistakes; often we knowingly hurt our loved one’s feelings. It’s unfortunate but true. Therefore, it’s important that the woman you are interested in has a spirit of forgiveness. Some women will hold grudges for months even years against someone else for the most trivial things you can think of. This will create an atmosphere of insecurity in the household and prevent intimacy. So, if a woman is constantly getting into fights, arguments, or talking about revenge on others, consider this a red flag even though she is always nice to you.
With these in mind go search for the woman of your dreams.
Extract from the book “From Man to Dad” by Serge Destin